July 7, 2018
July 7, 2018
Working in the kitchen will really ruin your appetite. Today I made burgers.
Directions:
1. Thaw frozen block labeled mechanically separated poultry (not sure what mechanically separated poultry is, but I picture a large grinder and a man standing next to it with a bucket labeled “beaks and buttholes,” a man in overalls, with a mullet and three teeth (his mouth hangs open like that because he can’t breathe through his nose, on account of a gator rasslin’ incident) and as he pours that bucket into the grinder he lets loose a guffaw, a paroxysm of inbred merriment, a sort of ah-hught- hught, while the grinder “separates” everything in order to combine it into a savory butthole/beak paste.
2. Once thawed into a gelatinous blob the consistency of slimy paste, place in a mixing bowl.
3. Mix T.V.P. (textured vegetable protein) into the “meat.” (At the risk of making an understatement, any “meat” that you must add protein to cannot be of good quality). Scrape excess tendons from paddle.
4. Once mixed, use an ice cream scoop to dole out plops of soggy mud onto a pan. Press flat and cook.
Voila, burgers! Bon appetite.
Working in the kitchen will really ruin your appetite. Today I made burgers.
Directions:
1. Thaw frozen block labeled mechanically separated poultry (not sure what mechanically separated poultry is, but I picture a large grinder and a man standing next to it with a bucket labeled “beaks and buttholes,” a man in overalls, with a mullet and three teeth (his mouth hangs open like that because he can’t breathe through his nose, on account of a gator rasslin’ incident) and as he pours that bucket into the grinder he lets loose a guffaw, a paroxysm of inbred merriment, a sort of ah-hught- hught, while the grinder “separates” everything in order to combine it into a savory butthole/beak paste.
2. Once thawed into a gelatinous blob the consistency of slimy paste, place in a mixing bowl.
3. Mix T.V.P. (textured vegetable protein) into the “meat.” (At the risk of making an understatement, any “meat” that you must add protein to cannot be of good quality). Scrape excess tendons from paddle.
4. Once mixed, use an ice cream scoop to dole out plops of soggy mud onto a pan. Press flat and cook.
Voila, burgers! Bon appetite.
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